The Ultimate Funny Statuses for Facebook: Volume 2

Have you ever been stuck trying to think of something interesting to say, but nothing comes out? This list is dedicated to giving you witty and funny Facebook status ideas to inspire you, or to just simply copy and paste these into your status area.

Dave: Sometimes failing at life is better, because failing takes little effort, and it's more laid-back and relaxing that way. It's a smooth ride from here!

Joan: I don't consider them one night stands, I consider them auditions!

Dave: Today was a really bad day, it's been so bad that I don't even feel like finishing th

Joan: I should set my relationship status to "In Relationship". Not because it's actually true, but it's because everyone else is doing it, even though they are not in a relationship either. Hopping on the bandwagon!

Dave: **You've Spotted a Sniper** Oh noes! What sh-

Joan: Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Dave: I accidentally the whole bottle. :(

Joan: I'll lend you my attention, but you'll get 0% interest.

Dave: My wife complained that she never gets phone calls, so I put a bumper sticker on her car that read "How is my Driving" with her number, and it's never stopped ringing since!

Joan: When the first man discovered milk, what was he doing with the cow?

Dave: She said I keep pushing her buttons, I can't help it, I'm still trying to find mute.

Joan: If each day is a gift, can I return Monday and exchange it for another Friday?

Dave: It's not the fall that kills you, it's the sudden stop at the end.

Joan: If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?

Dave: I like to use the word "Etc.." because it makes people believe I know more than I actually do.

Joan: If crime doesn't pay, does that mean my job is a crime?

Dave: I hate childproof bottles. :(

Joan: If I have a headache, I follow the advice on the Aspirin bottle. Take two, and keep away from children.

Dave: You know, stop lights don't get anymore red than the one my wife just went through!

Joan: My boyfriend said he needed more space, so I locked him outside.

Dave: It's still my belief that rhinos are just obese unicorns.

Joan: Women are not always right, but we're never wrong.

Dave: If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.

Joan: Photography, one of the few jobs where you are allowed to shoot people legally.

Dave: You know those people that post status updates every 10 minutes? I mean, seriously, what do they have going on that I don't? Besides a life.

Joan: I believe in love at first site, luckily I experience it every time I go out.. shopping.

Dave: If we can shoot deer during deer season and ducks during duck season, can we shoot tourists during tourist season?

The Ultimate Funny Statuses for Facebook Collection

The Ultimate Funny Statuses for Facebook: Volume 3

The Ultimate Funny Statuses for Facebook: Volume 4

The Ultimate Funny Statuses for Facebook: Volume 5